Reflections on Resilience: Lessons Learned from a Challenging Journey in Hawaii
Oh man, I think that this is probably a long time coming. As I am starting to recover from the fucking mess I created in my life by taking the business opportunity in Hawaii, I also need to recognize the entirety of the time spent spent over there.
There were so many good things about it, but I also paid deeply for it. The experience has actually left me worse off in many ways than before leaving. I’ll start with the good things:
I am more confident in who I am as a person than I have ever been. I confirmed my morals and ethics are where I want them to be. I could have easily manipulated my business partner. As a matter of fact, she was trying to manipulate me into an affair the entire time I was on island. Without falter, I didn’t act on those advances from her. Her husband was even trying to manipulate that behavior in me as well. It would’ve helped his case in their divorce. I could have made my life really easy by caving to her affair demands. I stayed true to my intentions, though. I worked my ass off for her to prove I am so much more than a pool boy. One lesson that I am learning is to listen to what people's behaviors are telling you. It doesn't matter what I am, all she wanted was a pool boy. Dumbass… Well, that, and everything else I was doing. I recently calculated a conservative estimate on the value of all the work I did for her. It was roughly $250,000.00. From her operations manager and planner, to personal assistant, private chef, housekeeper, and advisor. No wonder why I feel so burned out. On top of that, I built a 68 page business plan, ready for the banks for us to secure financing to start business on the retreat. A mentor helping me with learning how to build and run a business brought up that plan alone would get me more than $500,000.00. There was so much work experience that I really enjoyed. I put everything into that project. The general contractor that built the buildings I designed still reaches out to tell me that his entire team misses me. I was the only project owner that would get invited to all of the GC’s parties. It was amazing.
I also started learning how to surf. That was fun. The first real wave I stood up on was around 10 feet!!!! It was fucking crazy! Terrifying, but so much fun! As I stood up, I heard the entire line up CHEEEHOOO!!!! I felt like I fit in for the first time in a long time. I stood up on the next wave as well. Another 10 ft! I’m sure it’s hard to believe. A beginner standing up on a large wave sounds like tall tale, but it seriously happened. I buddy I paddled out with helped with timing the paddle into the wave. With that much power, Big Red was a tank. I couldn’t turn. I was hauling so much ass. If you have ever watched me learn something new, you’ll believe it. I am usually with someone far better than me. I have gotten myself into situations so far over my head too many times to count. That’s kind of been my thing my entire life. I can be very binary, and that has been hard on my life as well. Because I am generally an all or nothing type of person. When it comes to adrenaline sports, I picked that up from a friend that has absolutely zero fears. Learning how to snowboard with Mike taught me so much that helped me in Hawaii. Watching his life and figuring out how he has gotten where he has, whether it be sending it off a cliff on his snowboard or what he does for his business, he only focuses on achieving the immediate goal. That mindset change that happened when I learned that has helped me so much on that project. In life, in general. Things usually turn out better for me in the moments when that’s happening. This is one of those times where learning that things don’t always succeed. I can make all of the right decisions, but if the others on the team aren’t focused on the success of something, it will never succeed. It’s not my fault my business partner was focused on fucking me, and not fucking building a wellness retreat.
I really improved my cooking abilities. I fucking love to cook for the people I care about. I remember a moment while prepping my birthday dinner for the friends that came out to celebrate, smoked wagyu ribs with a homemade macaroni and cheese and Cole slaw, one of my best friends, Brandon said something alone the lines of. “You can tell he loves to cook. He’s in a different world.” My business partner is mormon and hosts the church missionaries every Monday evening. I cooked almost every single Monday for them. I got really good at a handful of different things. Here are the meals that everyone always wanted more on.
BoEuf Bourguignon over cream cheese, sour cream and chive mashed potatoes. It’s really similar to braised beef. Just a really good French way to make it. And, it’s a stew.
Anyway I make pasta with Anthony’s Drunk Sauce. The recipe is on the recipe page if you want to try it. The way I like it best that is new for me, Al Assassina. Come over, I’ll make it sometime!
White People Taco Night was always a big hit. Though, I hope it’s less white than when I lived with my grandparents in the 90’s. They substituted Miracle Whip for sour cream and used Pace. It’s disgusting, but surprisingly not that bad. It’s a weird guilty pleasure that will never resurface.
I also got pretty good at reverse searing steak and seared ahi.
I also got really good with boundaries and not letting them be ignored, by myself or anyone else. I learned with my last girlfriend the horrible effects of not having boundaries with people. I still hurt in so many ways from the fallout of that relationship. Especially when I see the names of people I deeply care about that I will never talk to again because they all chose to walk away from the friendships without trying to resolve any sort of conflict. I learned the pain of caring too much about fair-weather friends on that incident. I really hope they are all doing well in life, and that their families are thriving. In so many ways, my boss on the project behaved in a way that I had to re-live my last relationship. They were both dismissive and highly avoidant. I’m not that type. If I know what a problem is in a situation, I try to cut straight to the chase to kill it. I try to prevent and stop the things from happening that are going to sabotage the goals of the situation. To me, that only makes sense. Why would anyone allow anything to happen that will compromise the success of a goal by trying to avoid the problems that will just follow you? Sorry about the tangent, but that was among the most painful aspects of my experience in HI. Through it all though, I learned so much more about who my ex is, that she’s lucky she got to experience the best aspects of who I am is. And I am having growth in my shortcomings that were contributing to much of the relationship strain. I allowed myself to understand my last relationship for what it was, and learned I never should have mourned my last relationship. I was groomed into the relationship because my ex didn’t love me, she just didn’t want to be lonely. I hope she learned to approach her relationships differently. I hope she treats her family better than she treated me. Because, I was never going to allow her to treat our children the way she treated me. Looking back, I can’t believe I stayed somewhere that I knew I wasn’t really wanted, but provided significant benefit to the life of the other person. But…BOUNDARIES. Am I right.
In the end though, the amount of negativity I was being forced to deal with became too much. I can dismiss my emotions for important goals. Being consistently devalued, invalidated, questioned, put down, and retaliated against when advocating for oneself will be able to be maintained for so long before giving up. I even dealt with death threats, as idle as they may have been. My business partner is even avoiding paying me for work I did she is standing to benefit from. I'll update this post the second it changes! I learned a lot about listening to what people’s behavior says over what their words are telling me, again.
Thankfully, I am a resilient person, and have the ability to remain positive in hard situations. Reflecting on my experiences has taught me valuable lessons about personal growth, and sticking to my intentions. Each challenge has shaped me into a stronger, more self-aware individual, ready to tackle whatever lies ahead. As I move forward, I carry with me not only the skills and lessons learned but also a renewed commitment to honoring my boundaries and focusing on goals that align with my values. The journey in Hawaii may have been tumultuous, but it has ultimately reinforced my belief in perseverance and the power of staying true to oneself. Here’s to embracing future adventures with courage, resilience, and an unwavering determination to live authentically. When life gives you lemons, you just have to paint that shit gold.
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